Get Your Ex Back After A Clash
At times, honesty is what’s called for, though not right away. Sometimes, it’s appropriate for honesty to come later, after reconciliation has been firmly cemented.
That’s how it was for my ex and me. We were seven years into our reconciliation before we talked honestly about the forces that had driven us apart. That conversation took place on a quiet fall morning in November of 1999.
My ex and I are sitting across from each other on my living room couch. The springs are shot from children jumping on them, so we both sink down a little beyond the point where it’s comfortable. The fabric on one of the arms is frayed. I am sure my ex notices, but she doesn’t say anything. There is a tape recorder between us and a microphone on a stand.
My ex knows that I’ve been working on this book about reconciliation, and I’ve invited her to tell our story from her point of view. I explain that I am going to talk and respond as an interviewer, rather than as a mate I assure her that if we need to talk things through, we can do so later I ask my ex to tell her story in the third person, as if she is talking about an imaginary boyfriend, rather than me, believing that might make pings easier for both of us. When I am about to begin, I look up, sensing my ex’s reluctance. “You’ve hurt me in print before, “she says.”I want you to promise that you’ll let me read everything you want to say about me. ”
“Okay,” I tell her, and I mean it.
I don’t want this interview—or what I write about her—to undermine the progress we’ve made toward reconciliation. I’ve grown to care deeply about how my ex feels, and I have armed painful lessons about the power of words, so I reassure my ex, “Yes, you can read it, and if there are parts you don’t like, we’ll work it out.
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get your ex back